1
00:00:08,107 --> 00:00:10,841
Oh, smell that,
huh?
2
00:00:10,843 --> 00:00:11,842
What?
3
00:00:11,844 --> 00:00:12,944
That air.
4
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:14,212
It's as invigorating
as a bottle
5
00:00:14,214 --> 00:00:17,115
of the finest
chilled bubbly.
6
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,284
And this- Ah.
7
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:20,585
You know we are, Jim?
8
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,587
Uh...
9
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:26,991
"Justice, Nevada,
population 132."
10
00:00:26,993 --> 00:00:29,927
Wrong. We are in
the heartland of America.
11
00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:35,032
Serene, unhurried,
far from the madding throng.
12
00:00:47,079 --> 00:00:48,746
All right,
13
00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:51,716
you jaspers
get off your horses,
14
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,119
real nice and easy-like.
15
00:01:13,772 --> 00:01:15,406
Uh, sheriff,
16
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,575
I know this doesn't sound
very original,
17
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:19,444
but don't you have us
confused with two others?
18
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,512
Sam.
19
00:01:23,215 --> 00:01:25,450
Them are the two
road agents, all right.
20
00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:27,785
Bloodthirsty
murdering varmints.
21
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,454
No, no, no, wait a minute.
22
00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:30,855
We all know how you feel,
23
00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:33,191
but we're gonna
handle this
24
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,360
strictly according
to the book.
25
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,929
All right, you two,
this way.
26
00:01:38,931 --> 00:01:40,231
Bring 'em along,
boys.
27
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:46,804
What were you saying
about this town, Artie?
28
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:49,073
Quiet,
unhurried.
29
00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:50,941
I sure was wrong,
wasn't I?
30
00:01:50,943 --> 00:01:54,445
What do you suppose
they've got in mind?
31
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,746
I don't know.
32
00:01:57,949 --> 00:01:59,184
I've got
a wild idea.
33
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:02,654
Sam.
34
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:05,256
This is an old-fashioned
necktie party.
35
00:03:13,659 --> 00:03:16,728
And whereas
you two sidewinders
36
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,195
went and committed
armed robbery
37
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,732
of the Elkhart
camelback stagecoach,
38
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,133
and whereas,
39
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:24,201
in the commission
of said robbery,
40
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:26,337
you two
committed mayhem,
41
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:28,339
pistol whippin' and murder.
42
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,107
Therefore,
43
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,243
I sentence you both
to hang by the neck.
44
00:03:40,986 --> 00:03:43,154
Don't do it, sheriff.
45
00:03:50,729 --> 00:03:53,798
You know, I've seen
some bad sports in my time,
46
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,965
but you two-
47
00:03:54,967 --> 00:03:57,802
You two are
the all-fired,
48
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,937
low-downest absolute limit.
49
00:04:02,441 --> 00:04:05,042
You know, I think I must
have come in late, Jim.
50
00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:08,012
Weren't these gentlemen
doing their best to hang us
51
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:09,781
just a couple of
minutes ago?
52
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,649
That was the impression I got.
53
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:12,950
Hang you?
54
00:04:14,453 --> 00:04:16,153
Is that what you thought
we were aiming to do?
55
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:19,957
Sam, go.
56
00:04:53,592 --> 00:04:54,692
You mean to tell me
57
00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:57,495
that all of this
Danny Deever bit
58
00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:58,929
back here was just...
59
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:00,765
Play acting.
Just play acting.
60
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:02,400
And all
in the spirit of fun,
61
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:05,236
as anyone in his right
mind ought to have seen.
62
00:05:05,804 --> 00:05:06,671
Sam.
63
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:20,317
"Whereas this thriving
community of justice-"
64
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:21,886
All right.
65
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,389
All right, now, let's don't
run it, plumb into the ground.
66
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,594
"Whereas the thriving
community of Justice
67
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:32,096
"is now equipped to cope
with any crime problem
68
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:33,330
"by said community,
69
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:34,799
"having gone
and hired itself
70
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:37,268
"a first-class sheriff-"
to wit, me.
71
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,636
"And whereas
72
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:40,971
"it's been a long time
since there's been any call
73
00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:42,473
"for a town celebration.
74
00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:46,043
"Therefore, this week is
hereby officially proclaimed
75
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:49,246
"as Law and Order Week
in Justice, Nevada."
76
00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:51,315
And since
you two varmints-
77
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,719
I-I mean, you two gents
78
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,320
were the first to come by
79
00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:58,923
since the town justice
passed the rulin'...
80
00:06:06,732 --> 00:06:08,299
The key to the city.
81
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,234
Mm-hm.
82
00:06:11,102 --> 00:06:12,136
Uh...
83
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:16,206
Ladies and gentlemen,
we...
84
00:06:16,208 --> 00:06:17,909
we're sorry.
85
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,777
We really wanna
thank you very much
86
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,679
for this, uh,
signal honor.
87
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:25,716
My friend and I are
really deeply
88
00:06:26,351 --> 00:06:28,853
touched by...
89
00:06:33,224 --> 00:06:35,460
Artie, I think, uh,
90
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:38,095
I think we hurt
their feelings.
91
00:06:57,316 --> 00:06:59,383
You know,
92
00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:03,420
it's the free sarsaparilla
that always gets me.
93
00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:05,356
Look, we're
on vacation anyway.
94
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,224
What do you say we just
spend a day or two
95
00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:09,226
right here at Justice?
96
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,929
Bingo, dancing in the streets.
97
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,498
How can we go wrong?
98
00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:26,911
Disp�nseme, se�or.
99
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:29,780
Oh, you will please
excuse me, se�ores.
100
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,448
Of course.
101
00:07:37,255 --> 00:07:38,422
What's the matter?
102
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:39,924
Uh, nothing.
103
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,593
You know,
I-I have a sneaky feeling
104
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:45,730
I've seen that gentleman
someplace before.
105
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,565
The question is where.
106
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:48,633
Yeah, me, too.
107
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,501
That's why I stayed
turned away.
108
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:53,971
Not a very comfortable
feeling, either.
109
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,848
Artie, I'm famished.
110
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,783
What do you say we-?
111
00:08:08,219 --> 00:08:09,119
Artie.
112
00:08:10,589 --> 00:08:11,589
Artie.
113
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:12,990
Hmm?
114
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:13,925
What?
115
00:08:14,893 --> 00:08:15,960
Listen to me.
116
00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:17,662
Don't move.
117
00:08:20,231 --> 00:08:21,298
Okay.
118
00:08:22,434 --> 00:08:25,102
I'm awake
and I'm not moving.
119
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:26,871
Now what?
120
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:28,739
And if your head
should itch-
121
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,708
It doesn't itch.
122
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:32,777
Good,
then don't scratch.
123
00:08:36,081 --> 00:08:37,949
Now it itches.
124
00:08:39,284 --> 00:08:41,118
There's something
on the pillow, Artie,
125
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,219
next to your head.
126
00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:44,055
What is it?
127
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:47,725
Well, let's say it's
smaller than a breadbox
128
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:49,594
and larger
than a tsetse fly.
129
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:53,464
Would it be likely to be used
equally by both men and women?
130
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,265
Forget it, Artie.
131
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:58,535
I-I'm gonna count
to three,
132
00:08:58,537 --> 00:09:01,839
and then I want you
to roll off that bed.
133
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:05,309
One.
134
00:09:06,211 --> 00:09:08,079
Two.
135
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:08,946
Three.
136
00:09:19,891 --> 00:09:22,727
I must say that's
a rather interesting way
137
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,128
to wake up from a nap.
138
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:26,530
Now that it's all over,
what was that?
139
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:28,499
Now, that
was a tarantula.
140
00:09:33,238 --> 00:09:37,341
A ta- A ta- A tarantula.
141
00:09:38,777 --> 00:09:40,678
I think, uh,
your furry friend
142
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:41,879
has solved the question
143
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:43,681
of who the gentleman was
that we bumped into.
144
00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:44,949
You mean, eh...?
145
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:45,950
Mm-hmm.
146
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:47,484
Gallito.
147
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:49,319
Latin America's
contribution
148
00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:50,921
to the world
of sudden death.
149
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,624
The number-one killer
wherever Spanish is spoken.
150
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,259
He is wanted in just about
151
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,494
every Latin American
country in the world.
152
00:09:57,496 --> 00:10:00,164
His trademark
is the tarantula.
153
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:03,834
You all finished, Jim?
154
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:06,436
I think I can
match you in spades.
155
00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:08,072
I'm listening.
156
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,975
How about Cyrill the Firebug,
157
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,544
king of the oiled-soaked rag
and the well-placed candle.
158
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:16,246
Also wanted by the police
of several continents
159
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:20,151
for a few hundred fires
of mysterious origin.
160
00:10:21,019 --> 00:10:22,486
What a coincidence.
161
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:25,690
A top professional killer
and Mr. Fire himself,
162
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:27,892
both in Justice,
Nevada.
163
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:31,896
And both of 'em wearing
mourning bands on their sleeves.
164
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:34,765
Hey, Jim, do my eyes
deceive me, or is that, uh,
165
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,901
Snakes Tolliver
in the procession?
166
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,236
That's Snakes, all right.
167
00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:44,441
The guy playing caboose
is, uh, mm-hm, little Pinto.
168
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:48,312
Sergei from Minsk in Russia?
169
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:52,616
Brutus the Bonebreaker,
scourge of the Caribbean?
170
00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:54,585
About the only criminals
171
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,821
I don't see in that procession
that are well-known,
172
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,456
are Ascot Sam from New York,
Irish Mantell
173
00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:02,126
and the Seattle Fire Kid.
174
00:11:03,261 --> 00:11:05,162
Listen, uh,
175
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,464
I know we're supposed
to be on vacation,
176
00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:08,532
but do you think
it might be
177
00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:11,702
in the interest
of national security
178
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:13,337
if we were to find out
who might have died
179
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:16,207
to bring such
a jolly crew together?
180
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:19,043
Definitely, Artie.
181
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:22,079
I'm gonna fire off
a telegram to Washington
182
00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:24,648
and try and find out
what this is all about.
183
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:25,883
Hey, you do that.
184
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,752
I'll stay here
and keep my eyes peeled.
185
00:11:40,932 --> 00:11:43,234
Oh, howdy, mister.
186
00:11:44,469 --> 00:11:45,870
What can I do for you?
187
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,073
Uh, I must say
you run
188
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:51,175
a great little
one-man town here.
189
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:52,943
Uh, I take that
very kindly of you-
190
00:12:03,321 --> 00:12:05,923
Unforgivably careless
of me, gentlemen.
191
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:08,125
I dropped my gun.
192
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,360
I do hope no one
was injured.
193
00:12:11,596 --> 00:12:13,998
Butterfingers.
Now see here, Mr.-
194
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,268
Jones, Robert Jones
of Kenosha, Wisconsin.
195
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,837
Well, see what you done
when you dropped that gun?
196
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:23,107
Now, I'm gonna bill you
for the cost of replacing it.
197
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:26,210
Oh, but my dear sheriff,
I would insist on that myself.
198
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:28,312
Now if you'd be good enough
to tell me the amount...
199
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,781
I'm impounding
this gun too,
200
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:32,149
until after
the celebration
201
00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:33,150
and yours too.
202
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,584
You two just don't realize
203
00:12:34,586 --> 00:12:36,854
how dangerous
these weapons can be.
204
00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:39,890
Oh, yeah,
and that trick derringer
205
00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:40,991
you got
up your sleeve there
206
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:43,160
while we're at it.
207
00:12:48,766 --> 00:12:50,100
Sheriff,
can you tell me
208
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,036
where I can find
the nearest telegraph?
209
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:53,370
Grandford Junction.
210
00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:57,174
That's 40 miles right square
dab due west of here,
211
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:59,376
but I wouldn't
depend on any-
212
00:13:00,478 --> 00:13:02,213
Out of my way,
butterfingers.
213
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,017
Uh...
214
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:10,988
Our horses,
I believe.
215
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,857
Ain't no argument
about that, mister.
216
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:14,091
As deputy sheriff,
217
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:15,792
I'm just impounding
'em, that's all.
218
00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:16,894
You people sure go in
219
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:18,762
for a lot of impounding
around here.
220
00:13:19,797 --> 00:13:21,765
No livestock allowed
on the street
221
00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:23,433
during our big celebration.
222
00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:25,035
That's a
special ordinance
223
00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:27,872
passed by the town counsel
and the mayor.
224
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:29,106
I see. Well,
that's just fine.
225
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:30,374
Because when I talk
to the mayor,
226
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,709
I'll see that
this ordinance is...
227
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:35,679
No. No,
don't tell me.
228
00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:38,983
Yep, I'm the mayor
of Justice too.
229
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,618
Receipt for
two horses, gentlemen.
230
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:42,686
Tsk.
231
00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:46,456
Oh, another receipt
for another gun.
232
00:16:07,565 --> 00:16:10,267
It is a sad
business, se�or.
233
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,102
Death is always sad,
234
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:16,573
but when it comes
to an old friend...
235
00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:19,776
Might I have a last glimpse
of the dear departed?
236
00:16:19,778 --> 00:16:22,513
Oh, alas,
the coffin is sealed.
237
00:16:31,989 --> 00:16:33,557
We meet again.
238
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,825
Small world,
isn't it?
239
00:16:35,827 --> 00:16:37,894
Practically
microscopic.
240
00:16:37,896 --> 00:16:40,097
What is it, Brutus?
241
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:43,233
Our friend here likes to
send telegrams to Washington.
242
00:16:44,569 --> 00:16:47,438
I can't help
wondering why.
243
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,641
Let's find out.
244
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,210
Why?
245
00:16:54,812 --> 00:16:57,614
Oh, I know you'll
find out eventually.
246
00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,149
You see, I'm, um,
247
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:01,385
I'm a secret
service agent,
248
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,253
and I was wiring
my home office
249
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:05,222
for reinforcements.
250
00:17:07,225 --> 00:17:11,462
You have a remarkably
unfunny sense of humor, sir.
251
00:17:17,368 --> 00:17:22,772
Pal,
this your wreath?
252
00:17:22,774 --> 00:17:24,274
Yes.
253
00:17:26,077 --> 00:17:27,944
Paper flowers.
254
00:17:27,946 --> 00:17:31,215
Well, it was just
a superficial relationship.
255
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,716
In spite of which,
you yearn
256
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:36,019
for a final glimpse
of the deceased.
257
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,488
Does seem odd,
doesn't it?
258
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:41,258
I think we should indulge
our friend,
259
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,160
don't you?
260
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,889
We're scheduled to have
a board meeting very shortly.
261
00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:16,293
I think our chairman would
like to decide personally
262
00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:18,028
what to do about you.
263
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,463
You know what I think?
264
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,165
I think I...
265
00:18:23,668 --> 00:18:25,569
set him on fire,
266
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:28,004
just to start him talking.
267
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:31,508
Ahh-
268
00:18:58,336 --> 00:18:59,603
Just hold it
right there.
269
00:19:01,373 --> 00:19:03,273
Do listen to him, sir.
270
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:06,577
I can promise you
you're going to die,
271
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,612
but if you listen,
272
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:11,114
not immediately.
273
00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:47,711
You've been
fighting again.
274
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:49,513
We had visitor.
275
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:53,717
You seem to have caused
considerable havoc.
276
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:57,287
I guess I'm just
an active growing boy.
277
00:20:58,823 --> 00:20:59,823
Your name?
278
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,958
James West.
279
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,126
And yours?
280
00:21:03,128 --> 00:21:06,029
I'll ask all
the questions, Mr. West.
281
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,864
Oh, come now.
282
00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:09,700
Turnabout's only fair play.
283
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:12,502
Laughing boy there
says I'm going to die.
284
00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:14,404
I can assure you
of that.
285
00:21:14,406 --> 00:21:16,039
First,
let me introduce you
286
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:18,709
to the gentlemen who will
take care of this matter.
287
00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:19,676
Gallito, you know.
288
00:21:21,011 --> 00:21:23,347
On my right, Brutus.
289
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:26,483
He dearly loves
to smash things.
290
00:21:26,485 --> 00:21:28,418
And Cyrill,
291
00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:31,120
who loves to play
with matches.
292
00:21:31,122 --> 00:21:33,923
Snakes Tolliver,
an explosives expert,
293
00:21:33,925 --> 00:21:37,026
and Pinto,
a very quiet gentleman,
294
00:21:37,028 --> 00:21:40,731
who has gone into considerable
research in the area of pain.
295
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,032
Inflicting it, of course.
296
00:21:43,034 --> 00:21:46,269
And, finally, Sergei
from the steppes of Russia.
297
00:21:46,271 --> 00:21:48,304
He dearly loves to eat.
298
00:21:48,306 --> 00:21:51,140
Someday he'll swallow
the whole world.
299
00:21:51,142 --> 00:21:53,577
Hope it won't
give him indigestion.
300
00:21:53,579 --> 00:21:56,580
I'm delighted
to meet you, gentlemen.
301
00:21:56,582 --> 00:21:58,281
What an innocent location
302
00:21:58,283 --> 00:22:00,817
for a summit conference
of world crime.
303
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:03,119
Justice, Nevada.
304
00:22:03,121 --> 00:22:07,023
Especially during
Law and Order Week.
305
00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:08,958
The idea tickled
my sense of humor.
306
00:22:10,227 --> 00:22:12,429
There's still one more
introduction.
307
00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:15,799
I am Lucrece Posey,
chairman of the board,
308
00:22:15,801 --> 00:22:18,034
and the first item of business
309
00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:20,336
will be to call
this meeting-
310
00:22:20,338 --> 00:22:23,172
I'm touched.
311
00:22:23,174 --> 00:22:24,374
Is this for me?
312
00:22:26,411 --> 00:22:28,445
Chairman of the board
should have a gavel.
313
00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:30,380
Everyone knows that.
314
00:22:30,382 --> 00:22:31,782
Use it in good health.
315
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:33,850
Thank you, Snakes.
316
00:22:33,852 --> 00:22:36,787
I hereby call
this meeting...
317
00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:42,826
You call the meeting
to order, Snakes.
318
00:22:44,162 --> 00:22:47,631
Why me? I- I'm not
the chairman.
319
00:22:47,633 --> 00:22:50,400
Brutus dear,
320
00:22:50,402 --> 00:22:54,203
put that wonderful glove
of yours to work.
321
00:23:08,786 --> 00:23:11,555
You don't think I had anything
to do with that, now, do you?
322
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:14,724
Relax, Snakes. Stop cringing. Ow. Ah.
323
00:23:14,726 --> 00:23:16,860
Poor boy.
324
00:23:19,964 --> 00:23:21,331
Let us be seated, gentlemen.
325
00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:27,604
Remove the body,
will you?
326
00:23:30,509 --> 00:23:32,943
Miss Lucrece Posey.
327
00:23:32,945 --> 00:23:36,680
Any relation to that
other lovely lady, Lucrezia,
328
00:23:36,682 --> 00:23:39,282
that used a poison ring
to such great effect?
329
00:23:41,954 --> 00:23:44,220
I hereby call
this meeting to order,
330
00:23:44,222 --> 00:23:47,390
and the first order of business
is to have you removed
331
00:23:47,392 --> 00:23:49,826
from the docket,
Mr. West.
332
00:24:17,722 --> 00:24:19,857
Ta-da.
333
00:24:20,525 --> 00:24:22,192
Ascot Sam.
334
00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:24,194
In the flesh.
335
00:24:24,196 --> 00:24:27,097
It is you, isn't it?
336
00:24:27,099 --> 00:24:30,300
Well, it certainly ain't
your kid brother Edith.
337
00:24:32,004 --> 00:24:33,003
Ascot Sam.
338
00:24:33,005 --> 00:24:34,270
Yes, dear lady?
339
00:24:34,272 --> 00:24:36,473
Brutus will perform
the introductions later.
340
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:38,408
Meanwhile, we have
a little unfinished business
341
00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:39,476
to take care of.
342
00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:41,344
Of course,
dear lady.
343
00:24:45,217 --> 00:24:47,618
Uh, hold it!
344
00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:50,387
Why?
345
00:24:51,088 --> 00:24:52,489
Why?
346
00:24:53,758 --> 00:24:55,125
Why?
347
00:24:55,127 --> 00:24:58,361
Because that's James West,
that's why.
348
00:24:59,964 --> 00:25:04,367
That we know. So?
349
00:25:04,369 --> 00:25:05,836
So that's the guy
in charge
350
00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:07,337
of the government's
travel agency,
351
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:08,405
that's all.
352
00:25:09,642 --> 00:25:11,542
I still owe you
a little vote of thanks
353
00:25:11,544 --> 00:25:13,977
for that free trip
that you arranged for me
354
00:25:13,979 --> 00:25:15,779
up to Leavenworth,
you no good-
355
00:25:15,781 --> 00:25:16,747
No.
356
00:25:25,489 --> 00:25:29,292
So you're the Mr. West,
357
00:25:29,294 --> 00:25:30,961
from the secret service,
hmm?
358
00:25:30,963 --> 00:25:32,462
I tried to tell
your boys that,
359
00:25:32,464 --> 00:25:33,830
but no one would listen.
360
00:25:33,832 --> 00:25:37,968
Mr. West, I have one question
to put to you,
361
00:25:37,970 --> 00:25:40,070
but meanwhile,
I'll fill you in
362
00:25:40,072 --> 00:25:42,606
with a little
background material.
363
00:25:42,608 --> 00:25:46,810
We're living in an era
of consolidation,
364
00:25:46,812 --> 00:25:49,179
amalgamation, centralization.
365
00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:52,049
Businesses large and small
are merging,
366
00:25:52,051 --> 00:25:53,817
avoiding wasteful duplication.
367
00:25:53,819 --> 00:25:56,186
Dreary little nations
are awakening
368
00:25:56,188 --> 00:25:58,822
to the advantages
of combining their resources
369
00:25:58,824 --> 00:26:02,192
into one powerful super nation.
370
00:26:02,194 --> 00:26:04,327
But there's one element
of society
371
00:26:04,329 --> 00:26:05,528
that has lagged behind
372
00:26:05,530 --> 00:26:08,999
in this plunge
towards consolidation.
373
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:10,500
Mr. West?
374
00:26:10,502 --> 00:26:12,202
Crime.
375
00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:14,537
Exactly.
376
00:26:24,582 --> 00:26:27,985
Every one of these dots
represents a criminal apparatus,
377
00:26:27,987 --> 00:26:31,221
and there are thousands of them,
each one separate
378
00:26:31,223 --> 00:26:32,522
from every other one,
379
00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:34,791
making it easy prey
for the well-organized forces
380
00:26:34,793 --> 00:26:38,228
of law and order
that surround them.
381
00:26:42,667 --> 00:26:44,635
And this is the way
it could be,
382
00:26:44,637 --> 00:26:46,236
must be and will be.
383
00:26:46,238 --> 00:26:49,006
Six regional organizations.
384
00:26:49,008 --> 00:26:51,407
Each one directing,
385
00:26:51,409 --> 00:26:54,144
taking care of crime
in each of its areas,
386
00:26:54,146 --> 00:26:55,846
each one combining to form
387
00:26:55,848 --> 00:27:00,083
a super crime cartel of the
entire world.
388
00:27:00,085 --> 00:27:04,487
And these are
the six regional leaders.
389
00:27:04,489 --> 00:27:06,823
I organized the plan,
390
00:27:06,825 --> 00:27:10,493
arranged to meet with them here,
discussed details,
391
00:27:10,495 --> 00:27:13,063
and to see that our meeting
was kept secret.
392
00:27:13,065 --> 00:27:17,267
Now my question is,
who tipped you off?
393
00:27:17,269 --> 00:27:20,704
Do you mind repeating
that last question?
394
00:27:20,706 --> 00:27:23,006
I said who tip-
395
00:27:23,008 --> 00:27:24,374
Why should I repeat it?
396
00:27:24,376 --> 00:27:26,509
Because when
you say tipped,
397
00:27:26,511 --> 00:27:28,378
your nose crinkles adorably.
398
00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:29,846
Did you know that?
399
00:27:29,848 --> 00:27:31,114
Mr. West.
400
00:27:31,116 --> 00:27:32,849
And another point
I'd like to make,
401
00:27:32,851 --> 00:27:35,518
if you'd quit hiding behind
that tomboy outfit-
402
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,021
I mean really, you could be
quite spectacular.
403
00:27:38,023 --> 00:27:41,324
Why don't you get yourself
into something silky and soft
404
00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:43,694
and, uh- And revealing?
405
00:27:43,696 --> 00:27:47,998
I will give you
one more chance, Mr. West,
406
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,135
to get back to my question.
407
00:27:52,137 --> 00:27:53,203
All right.
408
00:27:53,205 --> 00:27:56,306
You get the answer
to your question,
409
00:27:56,308 --> 00:27:57,640
and I get what?
410
00:27:57,642 --> 00:28:01,678
One of Gallito's
less lingering deaths.
411
00:28:04,982 --> 00:28:08,151
If that's the best
you can do,
412
00:28:08,153 --> 00:28:10,821
I'll take it.
413
00:28:10,823 --> 00:28:15,125
The name of the fink,
who tipped me off...
414
00:29:30,234 --> 00:29:32,735
The fink is...
415
00:29:39,010 --> 00:29:43,680
Sergei, Pinto,
Mr. West is exhausted.
416
00:29:43,682 --> 00:29:46,316
See that he's cooled off
properly.
417
00:29:48,186 --> 00:29:50,586
I will help them-
Ah, ah.
418
00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:53,824
I'll inform you
as to what you've missed.
419
00:31:04,029 --> 00:31:06,930
You know, Sergei,
looking over this setup,
420
00:31:06,932 --> 00:31:11,101
gives me the idea of how to
cool off this West fella,
421
00:31:11,103 --> 00:31:14,204
like he'll never be
cooled off again. Heh, heh.
422
00:31:17,308 --> 00:31:22,379
You know, Brutus, uh,
I am not the type guy
423
00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:25,115
to say that Miss Posey
does not know her apples,
424
00:31:25,117 --> 00:31:26,449
but, uh...
425
00:31:28,019 --> 00:31:31,988
If it was up to me,
I would not rest
426
00:31:31,990 --> 00:31:34,824
until I had found out
who the fink is.
427
00:31:36,428 --> 00:31:39,595
Miss Posey
is quite shrewd, Sam.
428
00:31:39,597 --> 00:31:42,665
She'll unearth the rascal,
you can depend on it.
429
00:31:42,667 --> 00:31:45,468
Oh, I'm quite certain
of that.
430
00:31:45,470 --> 00:31:47,203
I certainly
hope so.
431
00:31:51,342 --> 00:31:53,410
Well, that was
a nice workout.
432
00:31:57,282 --> 00:32:00,083
Why, cease and desist
for a moment.
433
00:32:00,085 --> 00:32:03,153
I thought I heard
a noise in that glove.
434
00:32:22,975 --> 00:32:25,408
You know, Sam,
435
00:32:25,410 --> 00:32:30,680
it's barely possible
I may know who the fink is.
436
00:32:40,824 --> 00:32:44,995
Excuse me, amigos.
Am I interrupting?
437
00:32:44,997 --> 00:32:46,429
Oh, no,
no, no.
438
00:32:46,431 --> 00:32:49,632
Brutus here is just doing
a little punching is all.
439
00:32:49,634 --> 00:32:50,900
Well, then-
440
00:32:50,902 --> 00:32:52,869
Then please to continue.
441
00:33:04,615 --> 00:33:09,152
As the saying goes,
"scratch one fink."
442
00:33:17,229 --> 00:33:18,761
I hope you
appreciate now
443
00:33:18,763 --> 00:33:21,597
what an all-fired clever rig
this is, Mr. West.
444
00:33:21,599 --> 00:33:22,932
I do, I do,
445
00:33:22,934 --> 00:33:24,934
but you shouldn't have gone
to so much trouble.
446
00:33:24,936 --> 00:33:27,303
Oh, no. No, no.
No trouble at all.
447
00:33:27,305 --> 00:33:28,571
No, heh.
448
00:33:28,573 --> 00:33:31,041
You see, these two
300-pound cakes of ice
449
00:33:31,043 --> 00:33:33,643
are being held in place by
this-
450
00:33:33,645 --> 00:33:35,545
By this one rope.
451
00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:38,881
Now you'll notice
this lamp here.
452
00:33:44,655 --> 00:33:49,159
Now I'm going to set the lamp
right under the rope
453
00:33:49,161 --> 00:33:51,127
that's holding up
them cakes of ice.
454
00:33:51,129 --> 00:33:52,395
I noticed that, too.
455
00:33:52,397 --> 00:33:53,996
A little too close
to the rope, isn't it?
456
00:33:53,998 --> 00:33:56,799
Now you're beginning to get
the big idea.
457
00:33:56,801 --> 00:33:59,436
You see, the lamp starts
charring the rope,
458
00:33:59,438 --> 00:34:03,005
the rope starts partin',
finally gives way,
459
00:34:03,007 --> 00:34:05,308
and down comes
two big cakes of ice-
460
00:34:05,310 --> 00:34:07,177
Heh, heh, your
own private glacier.
461
00:34:07,179 --> 00:34:08,978
right into your lap.
462
00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:11,147
You ought to patent that.
463
00:34:11,149 --> 00:34:14,284
Yep. Just might.
Heh, heh.
464
00:34:14,286 --> 00:34:17,287
Well, I figure it'll be
about 45 minutes
465
00:34:17,289 --> 00:34:19,789
before anything really
interesting happens around here.
466
00:34:19,791 --> 00:34:22,292
I'll be back
by then.
467
00:34:22,294 --> 00:34:24,094
Now you just
take it easy.
468
00:34:24,096 --> 00:34:26,162
Relax, hear?
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
469
00:34:37,641 --> 00:34:41,544
If there is anything that is
distressing to me, Sergei,
470
00:34:41,546 --> 00:34:43,480
it's to have the knowledge
471
00:34:43,482 --> 00:34:46,249
that there is a fink
in our midst.
472
00:34:48,319 --> 00:34:51,321
You are one hundred
per cent right, Ascot.
473
00:34:51,323 --> 00:34:53,490
Maybe more.
474
00:34:53,492 --> 00:34:58,060
For our fink,
death is too good.
475
00:34:58,062 --> 00:35:00,563
He should be slowly killed.
476
00:35:00,565 --> 00:35:03,099
Only question:
477
00:35:03,101 --> 00:35:05,335
Who is the one?
478
00:35:05,337 --> 00:35:08,938
Yeah, I must say,
if there is a question,
479
00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:10,273
that is the big one,
all right.
480
00:35:12,543 --> 00:35:15,745
And, uh, Miss Posey
does not seem inclined
481
00:35:15,747 --> 00:35:17,614
to determine who it is.
482
00:35:19,950 --> 00:35:24,687
Great jumpin' balls
of Saint Elmo's fire.
483
00:35:25,823 --> 00:35:27,457
How did that happen?
484
00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:30,860
I will give you
small hint.
485
00:35:30,862 --> 00:35:33,929
The one who did this
likes to play with matches.
486
00:35:33,931 --> 00:35:35,131
He is a fink,
487
00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:37,500
and his first name
begin with Cyrill.
488
00:35:47,278 --> 00:35:49,646
As the saying goes,
489
00:35:49,648 --> 00:35:52,348
"scratch another fink."
490
00:36:51,041 --> 00:36:53,309
Now, where is
everybody?
491
00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:55,445
You know I don't like
this sort of thing.
492
00:36:55,447 --> 00:36:56,646
Where's Gallito?
493
00:36:56,648 --> 00:36:59,815
Poor chap had a most
regrettable accident.
494
00:36:59,817 --> 00:37:01,784
And Cyrill?
495
00:37:01,786 --> 00:37:05,488
He had accident too.
496
00:37:05,490 --> 00:37:08,157
Now, look here.
Once and for all, I-
497
00:37:11,328 --> 00:37:12,895
Da-da.
498
00:37:12,897 --> 00:37:14,964
Ascot Sam.
499
00:37:14,966 --> 00:37:18,000
Well, who else but?
500
00:37:20,170 --> 00:37:21,471
Aargh.
501
00:37:21,473 --> 00:37:24,674
Who's the big guy
with the little laugh, lady?
502
00:37:24,676 --> 00:37:28,043
He claims to be
Ascot Sam.
503
00:37:28,045 --> 00:37:29,078
Claims?
504
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,781
Now, Miss Posey,
that word disturbs me
505
00:37:31,783 --> 00:37:33,416
a little bit more
than somewhat.
506
00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:35,551
Now, let's settle this
once and for all.
507
00:37:35,553 --> 00:37:37,787
Ascot Sam was plugged
in the shoulder
508
00:37:37,789 --> 00:37:39,355
some years back,
509
00:37:39,357 --> 00:37:43,159
so let us see
who has the scar.
510
00:38:07,051 --> 00:38:08,551
This is gonna be
one of those days
511
00:38:08,553 --> 00:38:10,620
where nothing goes right.
512
00:38:58,001 --> 00:38:59,034
Jim.
513
00:39:09,012 --> 00:39:10,346
Boy, I can honestly say
514
00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:11,947
I am happy to see ya.
515
00:39:11,949 --> 00:39:14,149
And how do you feel
about old Pinto?
516
00:41:38,094 --> 00:41:41,864
Law and Order Week.
Come on out.
517
00:41:41,866 --> 00:41:43,933
Help celebrate.
518
00:41:43,935 --> 00:41:46,903
Let's not forget the big prize
in this deal, Artie.
519
00:41:46,905 --> 00:41:49,271
Let's split and get Miss Posey.
520
00:41:49,273 --> 00:41:50,873
We'll go to the funeral parlor
521
00:41:50,875 --> 00:41:52,642
from different routes.
522
00:41:52,644 --> 00:41:53,809
Right.
523
00:41:53,811 --> 00:41:56,679
I kinda wish
I had my gun with me.
524
00:41:56,681 --> 00:41:59,048
Makes a nice
security symbol.
525
00:41:59,050 --> 00:42:00,683
Trouble with you
is you're spoiled.
526
00:42:00,685 --> 00:42:01,784
Get goin'.
527
00:42:31,081 --> 00:42:33,415
Hey,
what's going on here?
528
00:42:33,417 --> 00:42:34,516
Get down.
529
00:42:36,419 --> 00:42:39,455
Yeah, manhandling
an officer of the law.
530
00:42:39,457 --> 00:42:41,356
You in big trouble,
mister.
531
00:42:41,358 --> 00:42:43,325
Not as much
as you're gonna be
532
00:42:43,327 --> 00:42:44,660
if you don't keep
your head down.
533
00:42:45,730 --> 00:42:47,396
Oh, depriving
an officer of the law
534
00:42:47,398 --> 00:42:48,831
of his legal
weapons!
535
00:42:48,833 --> 00:42:52,101
You're diggin' your grave
deeper, mister.
536
00:42:59,042 --> 00:43:01,410
That fella's shootin'
real bullets.
537
00:43:01,412 --> 00:43:02,712
He sure is.
538
00:43:04,181 --> 00:43:06,548
What do you got in here?
539
00:43:06,550 --> 00:43:08,350
Blanks, of course.
540
00:43:28,605 --> 00:43:29,505
Brutus.
541
00:43:31,074 --> 00:43:33,575
Got four shots left that
I can't miss from this range.
542
00:43:40,383 --> 00:43:43,019
If your finger moves,
you're a dead man, Brutus.
543
00:43:55,999 --> 00:43:57,566
Hand that rifle
to me.
544
00:45:02,132 --> 00:45:04,200
Hyah.
545
00:45:45,809 --> 00:45:48,644
Well, now.
546
00:45:48,646 --> 00:45:51,847
It was all your idea.
Do you like it?
547
00:45:51,849 --> 00:45:53,415
Very nice.
548
00:45:55,185 --> 00:45:57,987
They're all gone,
Miss Posey.
549
00:45:57,989 --> 00:46:02,424
Please call me Lucrece.
Won't you, Jim?
550
00:46:02,426 --> 00:46:05,961
And you're
the only one left.
551
00:46:05,963 --> 00:46:09,431
You've come for me,
then, have you?
552
00:46:09,433 --> 00:46:11,600
Mm-hm.
553
00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:13,903
All right.
554
00:46:13,905 --> 00:46:16,872
Let a lady do a few
last-minute things,
555
00:46:16,874 --> 00:46:17,973
will you, Jim?
556
00:46:17,975 --> 00:46:20,209
Why not?
557
00:46:20,211 --> 00:46:21,543
Thank you.
558
00:47:10,593 --> 00:47:11,760
Artie!
559
00:47:11,762 --> 00:47:13,662
Jim.
560
00:47:13,664 --> 00:47:15,764
The stagecoach.
Did it leave?
561
00:47:15,766 --> 00:47:16,866
Yeah, off in
a cloud of dust,
562
00:47:18,102 --> 00:47:20,469
and guess who was enlisted
amongst the passengers.
563
00:47:20,471 --> 00:47:22,071
Oh, go on. Surprise me.
564
00:47:22,073 --> 00:47:23,072
Ascot Sam.
565
00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:26,141
I tell you, that man used
every dirty,
566
00:47:26,143 --> 00:47:28,143
disabling trick in the books
before I could mark him
567
00:47:28,145 --> 00:47:30,112
signed, sealed and delivered
into the pokey.
568
00:47:30,114 --> 00:47:32,248
Artie, you didn't see
an entrancing feminine thing
569
00:47:32,250 --> 00:47:33,282
board that stage, did you?
570
00:47:33,284 --> 00:47:34,884
It was in there.
571
00:47:34,886 --> 00:47:36,051
In fact,
it was my pleasure
572
00:47:36,053 --> 00:47:37,652
to help the lovely
creature aboard.
573
00:47:37,654 --> 00:47:40,489
That lovely creature
was Miss Posey.
574
00:47:40,491 --> 00:47:42,824
Listen, some vacation.
575
00:47:42,826 --> 00:47:44,693
I'm gonna put a sign up
outside my bedroom,
576
00:47:44,695 --> 00:47:46,295
"Do not disturb
until Christmas."
577
00:47:46,297 --> 00:47:48,597
Crawl into that bed...
578
00:47:48,599 --> 00:47:49,798
Miss Posey?
579
00:47:54,637 --> 00:47:55,771
Hyah.
580
00:48:00,778 --> 00:48:04,079
Are you sure you don't
wanna join us, Artie?
581
00:48:04,081 --> 00:48:06,215
Are you kidding?
582
00:48:06,217 --> 00:48:08,083
After five hours
in that saddle
583
00:48:08,085 --> 00:48:09,818
just catching up
with that stage?
584
00:48:11,923 --> 00:48:15,090
All I want now
is a little rest and quiet,
585
00:48:15,092 --> 00:48:17,326
and darn little of that.
586
00:48:17,328 --> 00:48:18,560
Well, the important
thing is
587
00:48:18,562 --> 00:48:20,462
Miss Posey's in the pokey,
thanks to you.
588
00:48:20,464 --> 00:48:23,098
Oh, yeah.
Three cheers for me.
589
00:48:23,100 --> 00:48:25,767
Artie, I think
you might get
590
00:48:25,769 --> 00:48:28,437
some kind
of commendation for it.
591
00:48:28,439 --> 00:48:30,105
Nah.
592
00:48:30,107 --> 00:48:31,941
Hey, you really think so?
593
00:48:31,943 --> 00:48:32,942
Well, of course.
594
00:48:32,944 --> 00:48:34,443
Miss Posey was
a very dangerous-
595
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:38,213
Speaking about
commendations.
596
00:48:59,735 --> 00:49:02,404
Another assignment
right away?
597
00:49:04,407 --> 00:49:07,977
Kucknik pass?
598
00:49:07,979 --> 00:49:12,247
That's six hours on a horse
going just one way.
599
00:49:12,249 --> 00:49:16,785
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.